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Don’t Let Your Loyalty outweigh the Truth.

When your morals don’t align with someone you’re loyal to, what should you do?

If you are an integral and honest individual with a moral compass aligned to the better of all, it is likely that you have been nurtured and mentored by many. As a result of the same, you would become loyal to people who have helped you the most. You certainly feel indebted (or a similar feeling) especially if they were there for you during a hard time or perhaps when you had nobody’s support. This person could be one of your family members, your friend, your mentor or anybody for that instance.

Being grateful to the person who helped you shows your nature and being there to help them in their journey speaks volumes about your morality and your values. There are times when both your ideologies and philosophies align. You kind of find synergy in the person and you work with joy and fulfilment. But there will come occasions when your paths digress. Certain times your thoughts don’t match or they misalign your moral compass and your work gets affected. You can’t be your best version because you are not doing what you truly believe in. Things may start to heat up because the expectations grow on either side and the actions don’t suffice. At the time, pause and think through the following:

1. Understand the individual for all he is

Nothing comes as a perfect package. As humans, we can’t deny our flaws. While we enjoy the warmth of the sun during winter, the scorching heat of the sun in the summer makes us hate it. But there’s nothing wrong with the sun, it’s the expectations associated with the sun that alters our feelings toward it. The moment you see and understand the person as much as you can, (you won't completely be able to understand the person and that’s okay) accept him/her for who he/she is. Don’t get too attached to the side that appeals to you the most rather learn to appreciate the flaws too! You will come to understand why he/she expects certain things.

2. Find a way to fulfil the true objectives without affecting your morale nor the individual's expectations

Once you have understood logically and not emotionally — the amygdala hugely influences our emotions, hence masking our ability to see the true picture — find out what the cause of such an expectation is and figure out the true objective behind it. There are chances that one might not be able to see the actual truth of what is being sought. For example, someone who might want to make more money so that he/she can help more people will certainly expect higher revenue targets from the organization. Once you understand this motive, can you think of a way to moderately earning the projected revenue and at the same time reach the goal of helping more people? You’ll definitely find a way!

3. Persuade and Wait

If the intentions are good, then you can always work without hesitation, but upon trying to understand the individual’s intent if you find that it’s driven by greed or wrong intentions, persuade the person. Not everybody has the ability to see through multiple lenses. If you are a close acquaintance or you are valuable to the person, your perspectives will be considered. Don’t react if certain points arise that are absolutely against your views, persuade him/her patiently and wait.

4. Don’t forget all the good parts because of a few flaws

You have been loyal to the person because of all the good he/she has done for you. Don’t let some flaws shadow the good intentions of the person. Don’t assume that the intentions of doing good to you were selfish and absolutely DO NOT come to a conclusion on your own. It’s better to carry positivity in the mind about the person, rather than negative notions based on a few assumptions.

5. The truth has many versions, but leads to the same thing

Don’t let your loyalty come in the way of learning what the truth is. It’s better to move along a different path if you realize you are drifting away from the truth. Make sure to give credits to the person who backed you and lifted you up to see what the truth is. If you have tried all of the 4 steps to the best of your ability and not with an intention of leaving but with an intention of staying loyal, and yet your ideologies don’t match, then it's time to separate your path and move along. This would be a good time for you to start a new journey and explore new truths and lessons that will help you realize your purpose and help you reach your goals faster. When you reach a higher orbit, don’t forget to credit the person who pushed you there; don’t let the flaws in a person shield you from seeing the good in them.

“You have to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad. love what you got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget, learn from your mistakes but never regret. People change, things go wrong, but just remember life goes on.”

— Chime on Goodreads

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